I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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