9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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