not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
