Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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