If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
