I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
