dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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