We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
