Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"