once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
