dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.