Texts From Last Night

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  (571): View more from Virginia

  you're bored at work aren't you?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk

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  (571): you're bored at work aren't you? (703): I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk http://tfl.nu/77tj
  Replies (78) Good night (4116) Bad night (1169)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.

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  (862): She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times. http://tfl.nu/p78w
  Replies (22) Good night (4593) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave

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  (203): so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave http://tfl.nu/bg5d
  Replies (11) Good night (5390) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know

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  (501): She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know http://tfl.nu/vx6i
  Replies (15) Good night (3470) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.

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  (804): Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009. http://tfl.nu/yk6t
  Replies (49) Good night (5702) Bad night (1363)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.

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  (647): Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer. http://tfl.nu/62rw
  Replies (14) Good night (3426) Bad night (1158)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now

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  (708): We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now http://tfl.nu/mm02
  Replies (21) Good night (7177) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.

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  (740): Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table. http://tfl.nu/st2h
  Replies (5) Good night (884) Bad night (4873)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.

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  (505): Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking. http://tfl.nu/b01w
  Replies (37) Good night (1351) Bad night (5249)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.

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  (989): He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT. http://tfl.nu/p01t
  Replies (8) Good night (702) Bad night (2068)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.

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  (580): Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service. http://tfl.nu/46gk
  Replies (7) Good night (1745) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.

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  (720): You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck. http://tfl.nu/hy5d
  Replies (3) Good night (1778) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.

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  (814): I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution. http://tfl.nu/kc8l
  Replies (1) Good night (723) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism

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  (616): There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism http://tfl.nu/r96o
  Replies (2) Good night (492) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.

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  (989): We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart. http://tfl.nu/g13u
  Replies (2) Good night (600) Bad night (288)

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