The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life