don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
