Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...