I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend