dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay