so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
