WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
