Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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