yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
