For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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