she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
