Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
