Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
