If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
