DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You're like the curious george of whores
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
