I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
