The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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