Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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