my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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