So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
