dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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