I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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