he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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