Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
