So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
