It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
not ubering you a puppy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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