WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
