you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
