there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
