i think i have two assholes
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
