I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
