It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
