i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
