Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
