I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i drank out of a bidet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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