I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
