Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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