God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
