i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
