I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize