No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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