i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
