Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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