I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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