he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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