all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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