I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
