she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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