So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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