Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When did angry sex become our thing?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're a waste of cheezeits
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
