I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
