i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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