Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
