Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
