It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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