im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
be right there i have to get my cape
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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