The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
