Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
