At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
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I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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