dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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