I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
