I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
