I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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