So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
