He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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