I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
