New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
