She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Be still, my beating vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
