I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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