I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
