Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
