Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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