so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
