first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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