i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
