dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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