i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
