we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
