Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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